5 Ways to be a Successful Adult

 

I am not what you would consider a successful adult.

Or really, how society views a successful adult.

I have a college degree and yet by choice, I don’t have a full-time job. I bounce around in relationships. I hardly work out. I don’t have a lease or ownership to a place to call my own. My car is even in my mom’s name (shout out to my homeboy Steve who’s seen me through thick n thin since I was 16). And my ambitions are far from normal.

 

While abroad, I’ve managed to lose the following items:

• Hot sauce (fell out of my backpack in Houston)
• Contact solution and salsa (at Heathrow airport)
• Camera lens cap (left in the rental car I had to explore the Agarve in Portugal)
• Pair of earrings (which I told myself not to lose, and now can’t remember where I put them)
• One sock (gone while doing laundry in Spain, which I later found)
• My wallet (which contained my ID, debit card, and credit card, lost after a night out on the town in Milan)
• Scarf (RIP favorite scarf, lost on the way from Milan to Venice, probably because I was going out of my mind from losing the wallet)
• Sunglasses (which I’m pretty sure I left in my Bla Bla Car on the way the Strasbourg)
• Also pretty sure I’ve lost a ring or two somewhere in Prague..

 

Before I left for the trip, I had managed to lose the beanie I had bought specifically for the trip as well as my mp3 player, and my other pair of gloves.

I don’t really think of it as LOSING things, I really just see it as leaving bits of myself behind.

Basically, I’m a walking hazard, or really the embodiment of a hot mess.

I simply give the illusion I’m a well-functioning, mature, contributor to society.

Since I’ve clarified my lack of expertise on the topic, I have compiled a list of five ways I believe we are told to be a successful.

 

1. Know what you want to do in life, then get a college degree (or two)

This may seem terrifying, and difficult. But EVERYONE does it. It’s the new hot trend. So figure your hot mess of a life out and figure out what you want to do in life. Like, 5 years ago.

2. Get job with degree, pay off debt accumulated from attending college

VERY IMPORTANT. I know you read about successful entrepreneurs like Steve Jobs, that didn’t go to college. But you’re not Mr. Jobs. Didn’t you listen to anything they told you in school? You’ll never be successful if you don’t go to college. Also, don’t worry, the government’s got your back and will just GIVE you money to get educated. All you have to do is pay them back for the rest of your life.

3. Know how to do your taxes, and do them (it’s important to actually do them, or the knowing how to do them thus becomes worthless)

Accountants are expensive. Know how to do that shit. Before April 1st, preferably.

4. Buy a house and start a family

Easiest step of them all. Find someone you like enough to spend every waking hour with. Decide to procreate with said person. Then make sure to go out and get another loan that will take you both your lives to pay back to live in a house where you can raise your new tiny creatures in (and then teach THEM to be successful!).

5. Find fulfillment in completing steps 1-4 and feel satisfied with your successful adulting, proceed to counsel others

Don’t keep your wealth of knowledge to yourself. Make sure you tell everyone else how to live their lives. It’s what successful people do!

When it comes to success, I think I’ll stick with continuously losing my things.

So, how do you define a successful adult? And what age do you think we reach that point in our development?